department of crappy engineering: aunty and disco

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Sunday, February 25, 2007

aunty and disco

Recently there was this case of a man being killed while staying at his in-laws' place in Malaysia during Chinese New Year. What caught my interest is not the murder itself.

The wife is a mother of 2 (one 15 years old, the other 13), she left her kids at home and went to disco, got herself drunk, blah blah blah. Now, do you think a woman of her position should go disco? (getting drunk is another thing) Do you think it's like 不守妇道? Then you would say it's the equality of the genders, so if a father can have night life, so can the mother.

I don't know how to explain my stand, but somehow I just find it not right.

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24 Comments:

I think it's fine to go disco... Why should a person completely give up what she likes to do just because she got married and have kids?
It's like... dunno, women very sad liddat, just coz you get married, you have to give up so many things.

after reading this post i feel very indignant, kind of pissed off. just find it very unfair, what you are saying. dunno how to say also. understand your point, but just feel indignant.

By tstar, at 2/25/2007 09:54:00 PM
ya this post is crap. -_- sorry to say, but i don't agree with your stand too.

By Anonymous, at 2/26/2007 02:26:00 AM
it's like saying, a married man with kids goes sleep with prostitutes every night, then he tells his wife that's what he likes to do. Doesn't make sense right?

It doesn't mean you like to do something then you must always have the liberty to do it. In a relationship, sacrifices have to be made.

anonymous: don't have to say sorry, you are taking this crap too seriously already =P

By chillycraps, at 2/26/2007 06:13:00 AM
This comment has been removed by the author.

By tstar, at 2/26/2007 07:59:00 AM
wah seh, don't publicise on my blog leh...

fine, a less serious example: have you heard of girls making their boyfriends write explaination report for looking at other girls for more than 3 seconds?

Biassing applies to both genders, so it's fair.

By chillycraps, at 2/26/2007 09:49:00 AM
ok, sorry, i deleted e comment wif e address le. sorry, didn't mean to publicize, had no intentions of doing that, just thought that coz whatever i wanted to say is already written there liao, so can just read from there. here's the orig. without the link.:

I think the example you give is too serious. Of course certain things have to be sacrificed, if not for marriage then at least for kids. sleeping with others is a totally different thing altogether, i feel that that action itself violates the trust that shld be present in the r/s, but going to disco is different - that doesn't violate the trust does it? it isn't actually that serious.
don't think you mean to put make it sound like that, but it sounds as if you are binding women and you expect them to give up almost all their rights after marriage. maybe men shouldn't view us this way. we have our interests and our way of relaxation, not only men do.

By tstar, at 2/26/2007 11:54:00 AM
Hmmm... I think it's perfectly fine to go to disc if there is someone else taking care of the children. But I think getting drunk is not fine @ all...

I don't get ur stand actually haha. But what I don't understand the most is what has the murder gotta do with the mother going disco and getting herself drunk?

By Am|go, at 2/26/2007 12:09:00 PM
yar, biasing occurs on both sides, i got nothing to say to that. but as to whether which is more serious, maybe that should be the question. also, which is more... general, as in it applies in general to the group of people, "all married women should not party at all, if not they are bitches/sluts/unworthy." It's more a matter of wanting everybody to conform to a certain stereotype, the perfect traditional female. I'd say the same goes for men, that there's also a kind of stereotype. But somehow the female version of stereotype is more... constraining, like what you say lor, "bu shou fu dao".

By tstar, at 2/26/2007 12:11:00 PM
and sorry if it sounds harsh. I'm just very upset over what you said. you're not the only one who have this view, a lot of other ppl do also.

By tstar, at 2/26/2007 12:22:00 PM
gEe.. i acTually agRee w chilly craps.. bu shou fu dao is a bit harsh cos she hasn done anything that she shldn as a wife and a mother but she shld be setting a good example for her kids.. as we grow up we hav to assume dif roles.. as a kid or as a young adult or even as a single adult we dun hav to "answer" to anyone.. ok.. except to parents but thats another story.. as a married person, ur responsibility is greater.. u hav to consider ur actions' implications on ur spouse, on ur kids.. but its fair isn it? u want a family, u'll hav to giv up some freedom here and there.. its like that.. and to be fair, the news report didn paint a good picture of the guy as a husband and a father too.. it takes 2 hands to clap.. and when there is a breakdown in a org/fam structure, everyone is at fault..

By jasmine, at 2/26/2007 03:04:00 PM
heh. I also thought that was a bit wierd when I read that. But I think if they male shouldn't, the female shouldn't too.

Married...of course can go disco. But getting drunk while your husband needs you most...I dunno. :S Vice versa applies, of course.

By snoookems, at 2/26/2007 06:14:00 PM
I almost thought I need to call the firefighter in to deal with the flame...

am|go: maybe it's exactly the kids have grown up to become teenagers, so the mother could go disco more freely.

IMO the murder has got nothing to do with the wife going to disco, just that I am picking this out from the whole incident.

tstar: it's difficult not to associate clubbing/disco-going with flirting. I believe most couples don't want their other half to flirt with others.

jasmine: well said! Sometimes it's really not the isolated incident is right or wrong, but the consequences and implications that follow that matter. It is like smoking is not a bad thing itself, but when the smoke gets into other people's lung, then it's bad.

snoookems: actually I think getting drunk is not an issue also, if the husband also always get drunk when he gets home, then it's fair and square. =)

Now, other than anonymous whose gender is still unknown, everyone who has commented (except myself) is female... This is really biased.

By chillycraps, at 2/26/2007 08:02:00 PM
yar both shouldn't.

sorry lor, i don't think everybody who goes clubbing flirts, but nvm.

By tstar, at 2/26/2007 08:37:00 PM
overheard of the bus a couple of days ago. involved parties are a three year old cute little girl and a late 20s to early 30s man, clearly the girl's father.

girl: daddy, i want to go disco.
father: where you want to go?
girl: diiiiiis-coooo
father: you tell mummy later, call her bring you go this weekend.
girl: okieeeeeeeeeeeee

erm... I didn't know how to make of it.

By xxoos, at 2/26/2007 09:25:00 PM
wah! i dunno wat to make of it either...

By tstar, at 2/26/2007 09:44:00 PM
whatever it is, it's up to individual.

If a husband doesn't mind his wife sleeping around, what can an outsider like me say?

By chillycraps, at 2/27/2007 06:19:00 AM
erm, chillycraps ah, going disco doesn't equate to sleeping around leh...

i don't quite understand what are your reasons for not liking a married woman going out to disco. if you say it's because it's an act of betraying her husband, i don't quite see the point.

for me, i think it's reasonable for a husband to want to restrict his wife's activities at a compromise, likewise, he too has to know his own boundaries.

By xxoos, at 2/27/2007 08:52:00 PM
This sucks Mr Chow.

I tried replying for this comment but the stupid Avantbrowser deleted everything.

Man, I had such intense thoughts but it's all gone.

Stupid AB

By janan, at 2/27/2007 09:35:00 PM
xxoos: I'm just giving an example. Why do you guys like to link all my examples to going disco? Of cos go disco or clubbing doesn't equate to sleeping around lah!

It's not like betrayal, it's more like... the heart is still wild and not settled down to a family like that lor. That's the main point I'm driving at.

One thing is, this blog entry comes from someone who doesn't go clubbing or disco, so you can't fault me for stating my this view.

janan: this kind of crap does happen. Don't worry lah, you can always comment when you find back the mood =)

By chillycraps, at 2/27/2007 11:14:00 PM
eh, coz you were talking about disco in this post...?
maybe nowadays going clubbing/disco isn't viewed as such ba... you got a point, but maybe to them it's nothing much, like a part of lifestyle liddat, though not necessarily they go as frequently as they used to...

By tstar, at 2/27/2007 11:32:00 PM
haha... must call mummie bring you go disco one weekend~

By xxoos, at 2/28/2007 12:33:00 AM
Chow, but you go pubbing loh

By nich, at 2/28/2007 01:22:00 AM
haha, ok a bit slow but anonymous is a girl too! anws, i think going to disco after marriage doesn't necessarily mean that the woman's heart is not settled down. some ppl view going to a disco as a form or relaxation and just a way to let their hair down. but she shouldn't get herself drunk lah. i think not only married women shouldnt get themselves drunk. nobody should get themselves drunk. i hate it when ppl get wasted. haha and glad tt u didnt take it to offence.. :P

By Anonymous, at 2/28/2007 01:40:00 AM
xxoss: dot dot dot...

nich: the number of times I went pubbing can count with one hand lor, and all of them were special occasions. You make it sound like a routine...

anonymous: ppl getting wasted is quite fun, you can make them spill all their beans =P

By chillycraps, at 2/28/2007 06:21:00 AM

Sunday, February 25, 2007

aunty and disco

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